Power Shift: When I Became the Chooser
In honor of Women’s History Month and Tracee Ellis Ross’s incredible sit-down with Oprah, I wanted to discuss my own power shift. How I realized that this life is mine to experience and most of all: build. From the outside looking in, I can see how many thought I’d grabbed life by the horns and controlled the hell out of this thing. People who have known me since childhood often compliment me on checking off the boxes and accomplishing the goals that I’d set as a child. Though their observations may be true, as the one experiencing my life on every level, I can also say that many of my accomplishments were rooted in obedience and fear. Obeying outside expectations and a fear of deviating from the plan. The tricky part to this evolution is that it seemingly worked out, right?
I have learned that you can accomplish all of the things and still have voids as wide as the Grand Canyon when whatever you are doing is not feeding your soul. This space in my life has been about rediscovering my voice. Re-learning what I sound like in a world full of unsolicited and fear driven advice. It has also been about becoming confident about my path not looking identical to anyone else’s. That looks like taking the gems and spitting out the bones. That looks like feeling comfortable with liking what I like. That sounds like “I do not feel called to do that at this moment.“
I have taken an unconventional approach to my legal career and it’s gotten quite a bit of pushback. I’m okay with that because I trust me with me. There are parts of the traditional trajectory that I do not feel called to. That’s okay because my life has been everything but traditional. Graduating law school showed me what societal power looked like, and how we play into its existence. Conversations became different, especially with men. I found myself feeling like a commodity rather than a substantive person whose opinion was valid way before the degree. The degree is simply another ingredient in the soup.
Personally, that accomplishment meant much more than the degree itself. It proved I had discipline, drive, integrity, tenacity, etc. I can’t say if it was the degree or simply the fact that I’d stepped into “I can do whatever the hell I set out to do”. Whatever it was, it was different. I am different. And by me owning my power, I began to apply it in all realms of my life. I began fully owning what I like, what I enjoy, what makes me laugh from my belly. I stopped waiting to be picked and I began picking. I stopped seeking permission and approval from people (young & old) who are figuring it out just like me!
One of my favorite compliments from my boyfriend is “Babe, you’re so childlike”. It speaks volumes because I am. I love to laugh, dance, crack jokes, be wow’d by superhero movies, sleep in, and eat amazing food. So much of my life was spent obeying and walking on eggshells to avoid outside rage and disapproval. I sacrificed a lot of my natural characteristics in order to play a role that is not mine. So much of my life has been about performing rather than mindfully creating the reality I want. The blessing is that I (the real me) was never too far from grasp, and she would often come out when I needed to be reminded. I feel fully capable of building a life I can be proud of, a life lived from the soul.
I am not saying we must all go to law school to experience this shift. I’m saying all of this to say that I believe this time is very intentional and a lot of our facades and robotic practices are drifting away. A lot of us are being stripped down to our raw selves, and we are more prepared than we think to see ourselves. Social expectations are no longer feeling like home. Systematic ways of dating, behaving, and handling responsibility are shedding. If you are reading this, take a deep breath and ask yourself if your days are really feeding your soul or pushing an egotistical narrative. You don’t have to quit your job or make a complete 180 in a day, but you can transition into a more authentic life that reflects your choosing, not your fear.
This post is being published in the middle of a pandemic that has majority of us on lockdown. I’m a huge believer in timing. Not to diminish the harm, but I do see this as a huge reset for us…a second chance to zoom out. We are being given space and time to tap back in with ourselves, reorganize our priorities, and clean our foggy lenses. You are the chooser. Choose wisely. Choose happily. Choose from your soul.
✨Bonus✨: To help shift your brain and get your juices flowing, I highly suggest downloading the Insight Timer app and meditate to “Visualize You Perfect Day” by Dora Kamau ( https://insig.ht/DiO8Z3GP04 )
Follow it up with “Living with Gratitude & Abundance” by Lauren Ash (https://insig.ht/fjJPHyEP04)